Twilight Zone

Thursday, June 19, 2008

What really is that show Twilight Zone all about? I don't really know, but I use it to describe times that are eerie, weird. I've often used it.

And here's Twilight Zone all over again.

It's started on the very first day of school. Same place. It's almost like home, it is so strikingly familiar. Same old stuff. Senior year might be cooler, in ways, but generally, we do what we do: work, think, play. Same people. You know their names, faces, and maybe even something else.

But something feels different. Suddenly, the all-too familiar school becomes a foreign land. It's just weird; your eyes dart to somewhere before you know what it is exactly that turned your attention, your ears become extrasensory, and feelings inside clench around themselves, twisted emotions running high and you can't explain why. It's not the newly-installed aircons or the the new whiteboards to replace the chalkboards for the aforesaid installment. It's not the new classroom: don't all the classrooms just look the same? I could go on and on, trying to prove nothing's wrong, and that everything's just normal and maybe I'm just paranoid. But no.

At first I blamed it on the whiteboards. They kind of gave an aura of college classrooms and professionals. But no. No, no, no.

It was the people.

Hi. I missed you. I missed you too. So, senior year na ha? Yeah. Not anything you wouldn't expect. But their eyes miss yours. Their hold is too hard. Their voices are too much of a blur, too much in a hurry. It's like something's pulling them away, distracting them from you. It's like all those times, all those memories suddenly just disappeared. Nothing feels right anymore, just because they're different.

Where there used to be affection in their eyes, there is now careless passing. Concern in their touch, it's gone too; there's a sudden gripping on, or tugging, or whatever that tight grasp comes from, whatever it's supposed to mean. Unsure steps. Routine smiles. Sometimes, when you call their name, and you swear they heard, nothing returns to you but dead air.

That home you thought you once found with them, it's gone, and all because they won't smile back.

And the world now seems like a warfare. People pushing to get first. Silent competitions, both with self and other. Uncalled for quietness. Silence becomes a tight unwound string. But then again, boisterous shouts. Chaos. Heat. Everyone's just looking out for themselves, and shoving anyone in their way.

Every single day, it intensifies, and the feeling lingers, nagging and weighing you down.

What is it, exactly? And why is its power so overcoming that it changes you once happy outlook into a puzzled sadness?

I'm not emo. I'm just mystified. And upset. Why would they change?

Tell me. Have I changed?

It doesn't make sense, does it?