Speechfest 08 - Lessons.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

I keep asking God, in my prayers, to continue refining me and purifying my heart. That's kind of the easy way to say it. But in the pessimist's point of view, it's like asking God to give me trials, to give me pain. Because in chastening, we are tried to our ability, brought down to our weaknesses, and then become whole when we call on Him

Do you know this song?

Refiner's Fire

There burns a fire with sacred heat
White hot with holy flame
And all who dare pass through its blaze
Will not emerge the same
Some as bronze, and some as silver
Some as gold, then with great skill
All are hammered by their sufferings
On the anvil of His will

The Refiner's fire
Has now become my souls desire
Purged and cleansed and purified
That the Lord be glorified
He is consuming my soul
Refining me, making me whole
No matter what I may lose
I choose the Refiner's fire

I'm learning now to trust His touch
To crave the fire's embrace
For though my past with sin was etched
His mercies did erase
Each time His purging cleanses deeper
I'm not sure that I'll survive
Yet the strength in growing weaker
Keeps my hungry soul alive

I claim this song. This explains why life can never be sad, because our victories are His blessings and our failures are His might working in us, perfecting us, making us whole.

And I know practically everyone will say this is the most lame and sore excuse I've ever given. But I never hold for excuses, only reasons. And this, this refining, this is why I don't have an event for Speechfest.

I was sore, let me tell you, at first. I was sick and absent when the sign-ups and assigning for Speechfest took place, and everything was instantly taken. Buti na lang alam ni Madz na gusto ko mag-Song In, or else, wala siguro akong role sa Speechfest. But it did not make sense that some people had two, three, and even four events in Speechfest whereas some are barely getting by doing something they hate. No one is allowed to not have a participation in Speechfest, because it's a requirement in English. Unless you want a zero, of course.

Nanggagalaiti ako. There were absolutely no spots left. People took a bazillion spots for themselves. Ang heaping infamy upon infamy, these people who took up more roles than they could carry came to me, asking for help. Saying that ako yung magaling sa ganun, na kailangan daw nila tulong ko kasi hindi daw sila magaling sa ganun. At aba, tatanungin pa ako kung bakit hindi na lang daw ako yung sumali dun sa event na yun. Oh my goodness. The nerve.

I never really realized how hard this was for some people. I know someone who wanted to join Song In but didn't because her friends would run out of slots to join, and she could join other events. See, in another point of view, Song Interpretation is one of the events that equalizes everyone. There is no need to have super excellent skills to join, just a little grace and ability to follow instructions, and it is always in dire need of the number needed (which is, I think, 26) for each class, so it's one of the events that makes sure everyone gets to join.

Anyway, so I was sore about not having an event other than Song In, a craft that I could call my own. Yes, you can call me bad names and swear now. Nasty selfish person, right? I thought I had a right to have a craft that centered on me because I thought I was good at English. That took a long time to admit and to form in words because it makes me sound horrible, but there. I am stupid, selfish, vain and horrible. Go on.

It dawned on me when we were praying for winning Song In. I'd actually conceived the thought around the middle of the program, but it never really hit me in the face until then. My adviser said that the last time we prayed like that was winning for Nutrition Month. After prayer, I remembered: Poster Making Contest. First Place.

Speechfest events were something I thought I deserved because I thought I was good at English, but I didn't even get a part. Poster Making is something that I could never win, let alone join, and yet I got to join, and won. I didn't deserve it: I offered myself as assistant because the event was drawing near and Tifany didn't have a partner yet. Tifany could do it alone if she was allowed to go solo while everyone else worked in pairs.

II Cor 12:6-7, 9-10:
"For though I would desire to glory, I shall not be a fool; for I will say the truth: but now, I forbear, lest any man should think of me above which he seeth me to be, or heareth of me. And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me...And he said unto me My grace is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

John 3:30
"He must increase, but I must decrease."

And after the drama of our last shot at Song In, this song, which was Honesty's song for their interpretation, drove me to tears. You know, the whole senior last-everything thing. The bold part is the breakdown point.

When I
Look into those bright eyes
So young
Always so ready to run
Then I
See your change when fun subsides
And new colors start to arise
There's a hidden picture
That wasn't seen outside

When you run, don't tire
Keep on reaching, higher
Even when the pain and trouble bring you down, sometimes
I will see you through
I'm forever right here with you
Even when you feel you don't need me around

I will be your friend, forever
I will be your one, big brother
Even when I see you fall
I will be your father
When I hear you call

Don't cry
This is not the end, nor goodbye
But begin
To know I'm with you 'til the end
And when you pray
I will hear every word you say
And so with all my promises made
For one like you
Someone who's especially made

When you run, don't tire
Keep on reaching, higher
Even if the pain and trouble bring you down, sometimes
I will see you through
I'm forever right here with you
Even if you feel you don't need me around

I will be your friend, forever
I will be your one, big brother
Even when I see you fall
I will be your father
...
Lift you when you fall
When I hear you call.

To God be the Glory. :D